Green-eyed monster, gone!

I am inclined to think that over the years, the green-eyed monster in me slowly dissipated. Perhaps due to circumstances and incidents. Perhaps due to lessons from observations. Of course, as like most things, there are pros and cons to the disappearance of jealousy. XD or envy.

So far, the best part of not having any green eye is being more calm and relax. To live life in my own pace and enjoy whatever I already have. I also appreciate my surroundings, my family, my friends and every single damn thing I own even more. Stripping things down to the core, or basically the essence, became second nature to me.

However, there is an effect of complacency and nonchalant attitude, because I became a 'could not be bothered with you' type of person. Hence, I sort of fell behind the others. Being incompetent, laid-back and super slow in things I do. It surely is a problem in this fast-paced and record-breaking world, where most people always strive to be on the top, the best and the most. I even have the 'my loss, not yours' mindset.

Maybe, I killed off this sense of jealousy when I realised that things in life are meant to be. Although men are masters of their own fate, with karma and so on, to force things through is ultimately detrimental to oneself. To put it in a simple analogy, every creation is made at the expense (destruction) of something. So, I rather not be jealous and outdo someone or something at the expense of myself or anyone close to me. Instead, I choose to be happy for the one who got it and to go with the flow. XD

Life made easier and happier, no? Now, be gone for eternity, green-eyed monster, and change to some other 'colour'. Maybe yellow for happiness and contentment? XD

Distant Worlds in MPO

So, over the weekend, I attended Distant Worlds : music from Final Fantasy in MPO, and oh my, really, I really got transported to another world! Yeah, physically I am in MPO/KLCC but, the experience that I felt was just amazing.

I am not going to list down the repertoire, because it is going to be repetitive. However, Arnie Roth was really awesome! He engaged the audience and is fairly humorous. I managed to enjoy the whole session immensely despite not playing any of the Final Fantasy games.  

Potential phobia

Ever read Girl Saurus, the manga? I don't think it has been adapted into anime. Or maybe it was, but I just didn't know. Anyway, I brought up Girl Saurus because I think I might be experiencing a mild case of gynophobia. Particularly towards certain types.

There are so many things which could have led to this but I believe my number one scary-type would be seemingly innocent female that hides so much more behind her smile. Her smile, or perhaps, cutesy side was such a perfect decoy from her sinister side. On the front, she looked like the type to do nothing even if a storm appeared while on the back, she may even be the one that brewed the storm! How much more dangerous or destructive can a person be? The thought itself hurts me so much. Distrust.

The other one that I fear is the type that can never be honest about what she feels. Sometimes, fear may be an inappropriate word for me to use, more likely, a great distaste! To hell with messing with peoples' minds! Just be straightforward and honest. I mean, to be truthful, will it cost you a lot? Potentially some pride, some ego but not financially right? Five years down the road, will it matter? Ok, maybe not so long even, let's say half a year.    

I might be a bit unfair here to say that these are the two types of females that I fear. Most probably, if I said, humans who carry these traits are who I fear, it would sound more accurate. But to be fair, I don't think I experience these from guys before. Unless guys are better at hiding/masking themselves while girls are easier to be found out.

Nevertheless,  it still hurts to know that they are people like this around. So, this is my potential phobias and I am not sure if there are any ways to get around it. Perhaps the simpler solution, stay away from these type of people. 

L-O-V-E

A four-letter word which can appear in all form, bring forth all feelings and ultimately, puzzle me greatly. I can never decipher Love in its true form. To be fair, I am talking about all sorts of Love which encompasses family love, friends love and couple love. Perhaps there are also other form of Love that I am unaware of, undiscovered yet, so to speak. Yet, do I need to know more than I already do, when the present already troubled me so?

Somehow or rather, Love's nearest comparison that I can get, is narcotics. They bring pleasure, sorrow, despair, longing, satisfaction, fulfilment, void and so many others things come together. I mean, how many times have we been hurt by people that we love, and only to return to their side or at least, allowed them to continue their existence in our life?

I know I did, and I tend to take it a step further, I would like to mend things but sometimes, when the other party is just so repulsive, of me I suppose, I guess I just got to learn to stop and give up. To stop yearning for further contact and just give up on....Love. I just wonder why is it so easy for some to cut of abruptly. Does the past really mean nothing?

Ops, back to Love, ultimately perhaps, this is a just coward's thoughts, fearing the unknown.