XD, ahaha, I was made restless suddenly when I read this :
find some good friends to take care of you and get wasted at least once
I had trouble finding out what made me restless from the sentence. As I am writing, I still am feeling restless.
No doubt, I have many good friends. Well, I don't really mind if it is one-sided but precisely how much confidence can I have in my good friends to not get hurt by the drunken/wasted me. It would cause me a great distress if for even a split moment, I caused any type of hurt to my good friends. Either by my biting and slicing words or destructive actions (read : physical attack)
Furthermore, I am too used being the protector to suddenly fill the shoes of being the protected. Don't get me wrong, notice the clear line between protection and domination. I don't need to be in control because I hate being too in control (just assume I shun responsibility). I only want to make sure the ones I care for, love for, respect for are protected either physically or mentally.
Fuck, I am on the verge of crying. I mean how the heck did things even turn out like this?
Gah!! when the hell I started having these kind of thoughts? Speculating it is form 2 when I start to build a fort around my heart. And I always have this thought that, should I even burden you somemore when you have burdens of your own? XD, I doth wonder...
Well, enough of that. Time to start trusting my tomodachi even more ady.
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